JOSHUA TIME 896

A HEAT WAVE HITS THE SOUTH









--------------------------------------------------------------------------------


It's so hot......

The birds have to use potholders to pull worms out of the ground.

The trees are whistling for the dogs.

The best parking place is determined by shade instead of distance.

Hot water now comes out of both taps.

You can make sun tea instantly.

You learn that a seat belt buckle makes a pretty good branding iron.

The temperature drops below 95 F (35 C) and you feel a little chilly.

You discover that in August it only takes 2 fingers to steer your car.

You discover that you can get sunburned through your car window.

You actually burn your hand opening the car door.

You break into a sweat the instant you step outside at 7:30 a.m.

Your biggest bicycle wreck fear is, 'What if I get knocked out and end up lying on the pavement and cook to death?'

You realize that asphalt has a liquid state.

The potatoes cook underground, so all you have to do is pull one out and add butter, salt and pepper.

Farmers are feeding their chickens crushed ice to keep them from laying boiled eggs.

The cows are giving evaporated milk.

The Baptists have started sprinkling.

The Methodists are using a wet wash cloth.

The Presbyterians are giving rain checks.

The Catholics are trying to turn wine back into water.

_____________________________________________________

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------




--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

joshua time 895

make your day interesting


This is too cute not to pass on!!! J



Working People Frequently Ask Retired People What They Do To Make Their
Days Interesting.

I Went To The Store The Other Day. I Was Only In There For About 5
Minutes. When I Came Out There Was A City Cop Writing Out A Parking Ticket.

I Went Up To Him And Said, "come On, Buddy, How About Giving A Senior A Break?"

He Ignored Me And Continued Writing The Ticket. I Called Him A Name. He
Glared At Me And Started Writing Another Ticket For Having Worn Tires.
So I Called Him A Worse Name. He Finished The Second Ticket And Put It
On The Windshield With The First.

Then He Started Writing A Third Ticket
This Went On For About 20 Minutes. The More I Abused Him The More
Tickets He Wrote.

I Didn't Care. My Car Was Parked Around The Corner And This One Had A
"Hillary In '08" Bumper Sticker On It.

I Try To Have A Little Fun Each Day Now That I'm Retired. It's Important At Our Age