JOSHUA TIME 493

FROM MYSPACE.COM BULLETIN
American Eagle
Body:
Repost this in 2 min 14 sec or less,& tomorrow will be the best day of your life!But, if you wait too long,Then tomorrow will be the worst day of your life!Repost as whichever one describes you.~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Payless - Can't even afford a relationship.Hollister - You are single and whatever happens, happens.nigga Clothing- You like someone and they dont know it.Pac Sun - You like someone and you dont know if they know it.Abercrombie - you like someone and they know it.Macy's - You like someone that doesn't like you back.Victoria's Secret- You're in a relationship & love it :]hot topic - Nothing is going your way these days and you're about to give up on love and life all togetherToys R US - you like someone in a lower gradeAmerican Eagle - you like someone and they like you back but arent going outWalmart - you like someone but the fact that you're a ninja would get in the way

JOSHUA TIME 492

I wonder what would happen if we treated our Bible like we treat our cell phones?What if we carried it around in our purses or pockets?What if we turned back to go get it if we forgot it?What if we flipped through it several times a day?What if we used it to receive messages from the text?What if we treated it like we couldn't live without it?What if we gave it to kids as gifts?What if we used it as we traveled?What if we used it in case of an emergency?What if we upgraded it to get the latest version?Something to make you say “Hmmmmmmmmmmmmm, and where ismy Bible?”

JOSHUA TIME 491

This is so sweet....
S O M E T I M E S
Sometimes...
when you cry...
no one sees your tears.
Sometimes...
when you are in pain...
no one sees your hurt.
Sometimes...
when you are worried...
no one sees your stress.
Sometimes...
when you are happy..
no one sees your smile.
v
v
v
v
v
v
v
v
v
v
But FART!! just ONE time...
And everybody knows!!
Gotcha!!
You thought it was going to be one of those heart-touching stories!

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JOSHUA TIME 490

God is sitting in Heaven when a scientist says to Him, "Lord, we don't need you anymore. Science has finally figured out a way to create life out of nothing. In other words, we can now do what you did in the 'beginning.'" "Oh, is that so? Tell me..." replies God. "Well, " says the scientist, "we can take dirt and form it into the likeness of You and breathe life into it, thus creating man." "Well, that's interesting. Show Me." So the scientist bends down to the earth and starts to mold the soil. "Oh no, no, no..." interrupts God, ( I love this) "Get your own dirt."
God makes a promise, faith believes it, hope anticipates it, patience quietly awaits it.

JOSHUA TIME 489

Yesterday while I was working at the car dealership, ablonde woman came in and asked for a seven-hundred-ten. Weall looked at each other, and asked, "What is aseven-hundred-ten?"She replied, "You know, the little piece in the middle ofthe engine. I lost it and need a new one. It had always beenthere."I gave the woman a piece of paper and a pen andasked her to draw what the piece looked like. She drew acircle and in the middle of it wrote 710. I then took herover to another car which had the hood up and asked, "Isthere a 710 on this car?" She pointed and said, "Of course,it's right there." Click here to learn the identity of the mysterious 710: www.mademelaugh.com/gfx/710.jpg <http://www.mademelaugh.com/gfx/710.jpg>

JOSHUA TIME 488

SO WORTH SENDING
I must send my thanks to whoever sent me the one about rat poop in the glue on envelopes because I now have to use a wet towel with every envelope that needs sealing.Also, now I have to scrub the top of every can I open for the same reason. I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl (Penny Brown) who is about to die in the hospital for the 1,387,258th time. I no longer have any money at all, but that will change once I receive the $15,000 that Bill Gates/Microsoft and AOL are sending me for participating in their special e-mail program. I no longer worry about my soul because I have 363,214 angels looking out for me, and St. Theresa's novena has granted my every wish. I no longer eat KFC because their chickens are actually horrible mutant freaks with no eyes or feathers. I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a water buffalo on a hot day. Thanks to you, I have learned that my prayers only get answered if I forward an email to seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes. Because of your concern I no longer drink Coca Cola because it can remove toilet stains. I no longer can buy gasoline without taking a man along to watch the car so a serial killer won't crawl in my back seat when I'm pumping gas. I no longer drink Pepsi or Dr. Pepper since the people who make these products are atheists who refuse to put "Under God" on their cans. I no longer use Saran wrap in the microwave because it causes cancer. And thanks for letting me know I can't boil a cup water in the microwave anymore because it will blow up in my face...disfiguring me for life. I no longer check the coin return on pay phones because I could be pricked with a needle infected with AIDS. I no longer go to shopping malls because someone will drug me with a perfume sample and rob me. I no longer receive packages from UPS or FedEx since they are actually Al Qaeda in disguise. I no longer shop at Target since they are French and don't support our American troops or the Salvation Army. I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a number for which I will get a phone bill with calls to Jamaica, Uganda, Singapore, and Uzbekistan. I no longer have any sneakers -- but that will change once I receive my free replacement pair from Nike. I no longer buy expensive cookies from Neiman Marcus since I now have their recipe. Thanks to you, I can't use anyone's toilet but mine because a big brown African spider is lurking under the seat to cause me instant death when it bites my butt. Thank you too for all the endless advice Andy Rooney has given us. I can live a better life now because he's told us how to fix everything. And thanks to your great advice, I can't ever pick up $5.00 I dropped in the parking lot because it probably was placed there by a sex molester waiting underneath my car to grab my leg.Oh, and don't forget this one either! I can no longer drive my car because I can't buy gas from certain gas companies! If you don't send this e-mail to at least 144,000 people in the next 70 minutes, a large dove with diarrhea will land on your head at 5:00 PM this afternoon and the fleas from 12 camels will infest your back, causing you to grow a hairy hump. I know this will occur because it actually happened to a friend of my next door neighbor's ex-mother-in-law's second husband's cousin's beautician... Have a wonderful day....

JOSHUA TIME 487

To the 84... NO!!!> ===================> > Hardly a week goes by that someone doesn't tell us they were on> the verge of suicide and MountainWings changed their minds.> > Suicide is the 11th leading cause of death in the U.S.> It is the 3rd leading cause of death among young people.> > Based on the national average and the number of MountainWings> subscribers as I write this, 84 MountainWings subscribers are> statistically slated to commit suicide this year. As scary as> murder is, people are 1.5 times more likely to kill themselves> than be murdered.> > The four major factors why people kill themselves are:> 1. Depression 2. Alcohol 3. Cocaine 4. Separation or Divorce> > To the 84, I say NO!!!> > Often when people write in, they claim they can't find a reason> to keep living. Everything has gone wrong. Everything is> messed up. There is too much pressure and too little resources.> Too many bills they owe and too few bills in the wallet.> > They hurt.> People don't understand.> They are alone.> The pain seems to go on forever.> > They can't sleep.> They can't eat or they eat too much.> They don't have a really close friend whom they really trust.> Death seems to be an easy answer.> > I am reminded of the mega-football star, Deion Sanders.> He had it all in the world's eyes. He was a multi-millionaire.> He was famous. He was well respected. He had two super bowl> rings. He had gorgeous women clinging to his very shadow.> > Deion had factor number four. He had broken up with his wife and> lost his family. Even with all of the money, all of the women,> all of the fame and all of the power, the loss of his family was> more than he thought he could handle.> > One popular version is that Deion drove his over $100,000.00> sports car off a cliff hoping to kill himself. When the car> stopped, he was unharmed and still alive. He said he felt God> was letting him know it wasn't his time to die.> > Another version that I heard Deion tell is that he was sitting in> his car getting ready to drive over the cliff when a policeman> knocked on his window and asked for his autograph.> That knock saved his life, for the great Deion Sanders was ready> to kill himself.> > I write this issue to the 84.> It's not a booming voice from the sky.> It's not a supernatural angelic manifestation.> It's not mystical writing on a wall.> It's not a burning bush; it's an email,> but it does come from The Mountain.> It is a knock on your window of despair.> > It is God telling you...> > "It's not your time to die."> > Someday it will be your time but that time is not now.> > Death is not a wall; it's a door. Neither Christianity nor any> other religion says death is a wall, it's a door.> Don't fool yourself that suicide is an easy way out. It's not.> > When I was a boy, our next-door neighbor committed suicide.> He had a PhD.> He was educated but stupid.> Knowledgeable but ignorant.> Degreed but deprived.> > He knew so much but understood so little.> > Below are seven MountainWings issues that will help you if you> stand on the brink of a fatal decision.> Read them and remember...> > It's not your time to die.> Not now, and not by your own hand.>