JOSHUA TIME 406

Company Policy Changes> > =======================> > > > The following policy changes will go into effect immediately.> > > > > > Dress Code:> > It is advised that you come to work dressed according to your> > salary.> > > > If we see you wearing Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we> > assume you are doing well financially and therefore do not need> > a raise.> > > > If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money> > better so that you may buy nicer clothes, and therefore you do> > not need a raise.> > > > If you dress just right, you are right where you need to be and> > therefore you do not need raise.> > > > > > Sick Days:> > We will no longer accept a doctor's statement as proof of> > sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to> > come to work.> > > > > > Personal Days:> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year.> > They are called Saturday & Sunday.> > > > > > Toilet Use:> > Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilet.> > There is now a strict three-minute time limit in the stalls.> > At the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet> > paper roll will retract, the stall door will open, and a picture> > will be taken.> > > > After your second offense, your picture will be posted on the> > company bulletin board under the "Chronic Offenders category."> > > > Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be sanctioned under> > the company's mental health policy.> > > > > > We are here to provide a positive employment experience.> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations,> > allegations, accusations, contemplations, consternation> > or input should be directed elsewhere.> > > > Thank you for your loyalty to our company.> > > >